Holiday weekends…

FullSizeRender

As the holiday season begins, the first as a single mother, after 18 years of marriage, I am unsure how to feel about the loneliness in my home.  Luckily surrounded by my loving dogs, that at times drive me crazy as they are always underfoot, I feel love.  This Sunday Julia will still be with her father, our arrangement is left to her, she decides when and who she wants to be with.  She is the most mature thirteen year old I have ever encountered.  We have always treated her as a person, not as a child, nor have we put restrictions that would impede her ability to make her own choices.  Thus, she is honest about her feelings and expectations of both her father and myself, and ours are clear for her.

This Sunday will still be a picnic day, but for myself to enjoy some solitary time to reflect on my goals as a mother, and as a woman who is looking towards a new future.  I have made many steps forward, and many more steps back in the past nine months.  Now I am left wanting to throw out the restrictions that I have set upon myself, and all of the lack of believing in my abilities to become independent individual.  Each Sunday is new…

Picnic at the zoo

IMG_5935

We live in such a beautiful place, filled with amazing sights and weather.  Spending the day with both of my girls and Julia’s friend was the best way to enjoy a Sunday.  We had a picnic lunch of tea sandwiches with many accompaniments, as we soaked in the sun and enjoyed one another’s company.  Later in the day walking along State Street creating our wish lists for the holidays.

In the past few months, as I have been trying to gain my footing in my unexpected life as I know it, I have spent far too many Sundays distant and selfishly seeking an altered reality.  Friends and good times have a time and a place, though Sundays should be reserved for those who are most important, my children.  The reason I have started this movement for myself is to keep focused on what I know to be the most fulfilling way to live my life, focused on being a mother.  I will never be able to take back my mistakes, or change who I have been, though I can better my choices and path day by day, loving myself and my beautiful children.