(n.) The connection or relation of ideas, feelings, sensations, etc.; correlation of perception, reasoning or the like.
To simply encounter an individual, enter a specific door, to inhale and savor an aroma, in these instances one can be transported back into another time or memory. The power of association can be looked at in a positive and negative light. As I continue to learn more about myself through this past years journey, I have found that the impact for not only myself, but those who surround me can be the beginning of something beautiful or an emotional storm appears. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I also have no filter in most cases, though I am resilient and rebound every time, once I connect and accept the issue in which has been so thought-provoking. Controlling my emotions and possible anger is not a strong suit for me, this is yet again one of the many faults that I am working on. Eradicating the triggers I can control that arouse negative thoughts or behavior is a process that I need to become strong and conscious enough to learn to evade.
Cooking and simply being in the kitchen warms me in every way, it is also a wonderful way to connect with others. I have not been feeling my best this past week, and Sunday I had been so sick that I didn’t leave my bed, Julia said I couldn’t even be stirred when I was asleep. Then in the evening I awoke, finally getting out of bed feeling like there was just enough energy to make some dinner. I looked in the fridge and this is what I came up with, from there Julia and I were able to enjoy one another’s company, watching a movie and ending our Sunday together. The association of sautéing vegetables, and sitting at the table having conversation brings us together in such a positive way that it makes me so happy that Julia has dreams of becoming a chef, we will have many beautiful meals to share in the years to come always having the memory of Sunday dinners spent together.
The single most fleeting attribute I have always lacked through my life is flexibility. Until very recently I have been unable to implement this concept into my life. While my oldest children were young my way of thinking and parenting was so set, just as the bedtime hour, now as I look back and reflect I see how it created unwanted chaos in our home and in my marriage. The convergence of two individuals, who had in our case been raised so differently, now forming an alliance to raise humans so they become strong and ready for the world we live in. In our case add the fact that the oldest is my step daughter, though to this day I truly feel she is just the luckiest of them all to say she simply has two loving mothers. I came into the relationship pregnant, with another mans child, my husband standing with me from four months of my pregnancy on, always being a father to our son, something most men could not do. Finally adding in our youngest Julia the family became complete. For many just the idea of accepting these obstacles may seem as though flexibility was there from the start, but really I know we both felt that we were one another’s soul mate, we were meant to be.
Our Sunday this week needed flexibility, for many reasons. I awoke early and had many household chores to complete, as well as wanting to take my walk. Julia was a typical teenager, wanting to lay in bed and simply do nothing, not that I can blame her! When I came home from my seven mile walk/ jog I was pretty tired. Julia was not up to going outside for a picnic as the clouds had moved in. So I prepared lunch, and a picnic for us this Sunday was sitting together in the living room. This movement is to enhance the bond between Julia and myself, keeping the commitment of spending the day together is at the forefront not necessarily the location. We went to the movies in the afternoon, finishing off with a bite to eat. This is when again we revisited, on Julia’s behest, if I would begin drinking again when I am done with my whole 30 as I had done before. To give a definitive yes or no is not a possibility for me right now, but what I do know is that I am not missing drinking like I thought I would at this point, nor do I see myself saying that I will not ever enjoy libations in a responsible manner amongst friends. With this she was satisfied, letting me know that she is clear on what is acceptable to her, this honesty makes my Sundays worth looking forward to.