Catching the sun…

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It started out as a gloomy morning, I went for a walk with a friend before preparing for our weekly picnic.  Julia had stayed overnight with her friend, so she wasn’t able to help with preparation, though she gave me her input of what she craved.  I am doing what is called the Whole 30, for a multitude of reasons, as well as I have been eating Paleo-ish since summertime, so the way I eat has become mostly the way of the household.  All except for Julia’s beloved lavash wraps, she is not able to let go, nor should she feel the need to comply to what I have found works best for me.  I made a salad, vegetables and fruit to round out a light satisfying picnic. I found my actual picnic basket as I cleaned in the garage, in it I found some linen that had belonged to beautiful grandmother who initiated my love for cooking.  We used them as our tablecloths, for me those linens made me feel her presence bringing me a warmth, with her memory.

Julia’s friend joined us for the day, to see them interact and be content with the simplicity I offer of just a picnic lunch filled with what was a very telling conversation made me pleased with who my daughter is becoming, and her choice of company.  As we enjoyed lunch we were fortunate to catch the sunlight of the day, as if it was just meant to be.  We chose Nojoqui Falls Park, a beautiful local park that I have spent so many days over the years, yet haven’t been there for so long.  Unfortunately the falls were closed because from our last rain, though we were able to walk around the park and be silly, producing many funny pictures.

From the park we took the lovely drive to Solvang to gather some small gifts for exchange at Julia’s dance studio.  As we window shopped and the girls tasted fudge, the weather changed and the clouds moved in, signaling an end to the day.

To finish off our Sunday we had a wonderful supper at home, just the two of us.  And here is where a conversation of heft came to the forefront, my sobriety.  My concerns, and more importantly Julia’s concerns that weigh heavily on her mind.  This is a difficult topic, especially for me to even acknowledge, but for a truly open and honest relationship with my daughter it is a must.  She told me she feels that there is nothing she cannot share with me, this was golden, and because of her, because of just that we were able to have a frank conversation of what sobriety means to our life together, and with my older children as well. It is not that I won’t ever enjoy a glass of wine with friends, but no longer can I hide my depression with solitary cocktails in my room at night, or foolish times out at the bars, I need to, for her sake and my health re-establish an appropriate relationship with alcohol.  These reasons and conversations are all part of why I have begun this journey, and commitment for Sundays in the park.

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