Holiday weekends…

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As the holiday season begins, the first as a single mother, after 18 years of marriage, I am unsure how to feel about the loneliness in my home.  Luckily surrounded by my loving dogs, that at times drive me crazy as they are always underfoot, I feel love.  This Sunday Julia will still be with her father, our arrangement is left to her, she decides when and who she wants to be with.  She is the most mature thirteen year old I have ever encountered.  We have always treated her as a person, not as a child, nor have we put restrictions that would impede her ability to make her own choices.  Thus, she is honest about her feelings and expectations of both her father and myself, and ours are clear for her.

This Sunday will still be a picnic day, but for myself to enjoy some solitary time to reflect on my goals as a mother, and as a woman who is looking towards a new future.  I have made many steps forward, and many more steps back in the past nine months.  Now I am left wanting to throw out the restrictions that I have set upon myself, and all of the lack of believing in my abilities to become independent individual.  Each Sunday is new…

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